Stepping into your Power in Perimenopause and Menopause
With Susannah Tresilian
The context: everything can feel like it’s shifting
Perimenopause and menopause often feel like waves. One month feels one way, the next month feels different. That constant flux can make it hard to know what to do, or where to start, especially when life already feels busy and mentally overstimulating.
The core idea: small changes can shift the direction
Big change does not have to mean turning everything around overnight. The “oil tanker” idea applies here: a small adjustment, kept up over time, can change where things end up. The focus stays on making small, conscious decisions that actually fit real life.
Being active about change: intention and the right moment
Change works better when it is deliberate. That includes basic “tone setting” like choosing what helps focus or energy in the moment, and checking whether it feels like a good time to make changes. Feeling safe and regulated matters, because motivation and ambition land better when they come from a compassionate, steady place.
Hope as a practical tool: willpower + way power
Hope is described as needing two parts:
Willpower: clarity on what is wanted, the goal, and how it is meant to feel.
Way power: the steps taken to get there.
Having one without the other can leave things stuck.
Exercise 1: The boat exercise (now vs. future)
This is a quick drawing exercise.
First, draw a boat that represents life right now. Is it big or small? Full or empty? Calm sea or choppy sea? Lost or on course? In harbor or out at sea?
Then draw a boat that represents the future you want. What would be different? Calmer water, clearer direction, more space, fewer pressures.
After that, look at both pictures and pick one thing that could move life one step closer to the future image. In the example discussed, themes that came up were time pressure, busyness, brain fog/memory issues, and social media (especially endless scrolling and comparison, even when it is tied to work).
Exercise 2: Spheres of influence (control vs. influence vs. can’t control)
Draw circles and sort a problem into three areas:
What can be controlled: thoughts, actions, how something is approached, who gets talked to, what gets read.
What can be influenced: conversations, connections, getting others involved, putting something out on social media (without controlling the outcome).
What can’t be controlled: other people’s reactions, how something lands, whether funding happens.
This helps drop the stuff that cannot be changed and focus on what actually can be done.
Exercise 3: The “who gives a monkeys” 80-year-old microphone
Imagine being 80, stepping up to a microphone, and talking about what made life sparkle. Not achievements, not what was endured, not what was done for others—just what made life sparkle.
The point is perspective: by 80, other people’s opinions matter a lot less, and it becomes easier to name what really matters.
Reconnecting with identity
This phase is framed as a transition, not automatically a loss. The idea is to take time and space—when it feels safe and regulated—to ask what parts of life and identity are meant to be carried forward. Step by step matters, especially when brain fog and overwhelm are high.
A simple daily practice: pick one word
A practical habit is choosing one word to connect with (often for a year). Examples mentioned include garden, abundance, and energy, with other options like flow, gentleness, or compassion. Keeping the word visible (like above a computer) helps reconnect during tough days.
The takeaway
Perimenopause can be hard. More compassion and gentleness helps. The main point stays simple: there is no need to become a different person tomorrow. Small, conscious changes—done in a way that fits the moment—can make a real difference over time.
